Now is the time to look at the bigger picture! Sure, outwardly we should consider all the major and minor details. When moving forward on a path, you should see the cliff, the river, and rocks in front of you. But seeing the bigger picture within yourself shows strength, growth and experience. Stepping back and seeing everything, all your patterns, challenges, strengths and growth is a highly advanced way of being.

I say advanced, not with judgement, but as a point of reference. How far have you traveled to get to that place where you can look in and see the entire big picture? It is not a simple or short journey to discover and see all of these pieces of yourself. So when you realize you are aware of all of these nooks and crannies, smile! Have compassion and love for yourself because you’ve come this far and your eyes are open to this big, magnificent world that you call “me”!

As for “me,” I can’t pretend that I’ve made it very far. When life doesn’t go my way, I cry and ask “why me?” I take things personally, I wallow in self-pity, and worst of all, I become petrified of moving forward. When my disappointments in life stop me from experiencing potential opportunities for further joy and peace, I know that I should be doing something different. I can’t ignore the harsh sting, but I can continue with my daily routines that promote my health, wealth and balance. I wish you the very best on this wild, treacherous journey!

Connect with me if this meme speaks to you. And share it far and wide!!

Teaching anger management for over 4 years, and learning to managing my own anger has been quite an enlightening experience. I’ve noticed some very important patterns in myself and my clients that are definitely worth mentioning.

1. Everyone is different. Some people need to punch a pillow when they’re angry, other’s need to go to a quiet place and mediate. If you’re trying to figure out what to do with your anger, try something non-destructive and see what happens.  Keep doing what works!
2. There are a couple similarities. Even though we each need different things when we feel conflict coming on, we all share a similar biological system called the nervous system. How can you calm this system? Breathing exercises. Slowing down the breath will slow down that racing heart and mind.  Stop and breathe. Walking away can also help temporarily allow you to recover and start thinking clearly. Create a plan with a partner, friend or family member if you find that walking away is one of the most effective strategies. And now finally the reason I started blogging about this…
3. Talking about your feelings, concerns, values, needs, wants and ideas can create a connection. Your anger is actually a very effective barometer. Your mind and body are telling you, “something is wrong!” If you can stay calm enough to communicate about your strong feelings, your partner will learn things about you that you may have never been able to express. This is a great learning opportunity for the both of you!
4. Disagreeing, arguing and other forms of non-destructive conflict can actually bring you closer together! If you can be open to conflict as an opportunity for a deeper connection, you might not try to avoid it. And guess what! The more you practice disagreeing in a non-violent way, the better you will get at it.

What is standing in the way of your goals? Now I’m not talking about your goal to get through the week, pay all your bills or go grocery shopping today. I’m talking about the life changing, world altering goals that might be lying dormant deep inside you. Dream big goals. Goals like ending world hunger, creating world peace, curing cancer or becoming a rock star goals.  What is stopping you from seamlessly doing the work you love or being the person you’ve always dreamed of being?

More often than not, the answer to the question “What is stopping you?” is actually YOU! Doubting yourself, feeling insufficient, or fear of losing your sense of security are common answers. This is great news, by the way! When your obstacles ultimately lie within you, you can get to work and start to develop a relationship with your obstacles. Some teachers and gurus might tell you to “get over it” or “overcome your fear” like it’s some kind of light switch.  It isn’t, and if you try to turn off your fear like a switch, it will only disappoint you when the feelings of inadequacy remain.

So instead, try this. Write down your fears and get to know them as well as you can. Where did these fears come from? Remember times when others fed your fears by saying or doing something powerful. Look at your family history and the fear your ancestors probably felt accomplishing some massive shift. Think of others in your life who have these similar fears. Do  all the research you can on the fear that is holding you back. Where do you feel this fear in your body? Sit in a quiet place and allow yourself to feel that fear. Do this every morning if you have to. Become friends and recognize this feeling over all others.

Now: notice what you tell yourself in order to feel just a little bit better. Maybe you tell yourself “it wouldn’t be that bad” or “you can actually handle this.” Use this phrase to bring yourself out of your fear state. If you decide to walk the path of success, you’ll need to get used to this feeling of fear.

As you become accustomed to this sensation, it will not be such a mountain. It will begin to feel like a familiar friend that is sometimes hypervigilent but mostly caring and cautious. And like the water and the rock, you will break through the boulder with your persistence and determination. But you will always take that fear with you.

The New Age world is buzzing with inspirational quotes, articles, books, and as many ways to get you to experience more gratitude as possible! But convincing someone who is bitter or angry about that they should be more grateful is like arguing with someone who is color blind about the difference between red and green.  There are lovely writing practices you can do first thing in the morning or late at night, meditations, prayers and even volunteering your time and energy to a good cause. But I think there is more, and it is much simpler than ever imagined.

I believe there is a simple equation to it all. Desire+Action+Gratitude=More gratitude+RESULTS. Do you want something more in life? Put your gratitude and desire into action! Each moment is an opportunity to unlock the power of gratitude. Oh, you weren’t grateful in that last moment? Well here it is again, again and again. When we consistently and repeatedly put our gratitude into action, we get results, at the end of the week, month, year and 10 years!

Here’s an example. Let’s say you want a stronger, leaner body. How can you put gratitude into action in this example? Look at your current body and the parts that are fully functional! Do you have legs that walk, arms that can hold, a body that can dance and move? Say to yourself “Thank you, body, for working!” Decide how you would like to use your body to show gratitude. Thank your legs by starting a walking, running or swimming practice. Thank your arms by doing yoga, lifting weights or gardening on the weekends.  DO THIS WITH YOUR ENTIRE BEING! Only DO what you enjoy but make the decision to take action. And only do it because it makes you FEEL grateful. But don’t forget to do it!

For questions or guidance on incorporating gratitude into your daily routine, contact Chai Benson at Chai.Benson@gmail.com.

I’ve asked myself time and time again throughout my life, how can you feel gratitude and at the same time want more? How do you express your genuine gratitude and manifest your hearts desires at the same time?

Many writings about manifestation talk about gratitude MORE than they talk about desire. Why is that?

You have to create a positive attitude of gratitude to attract your desires. Like attracts like. Fully immersing yourself in gratitude allows you to live a life of inspiration, creativity and presence. There is a sense of calm and peace that comes with gratitude. Desire pulls you to grow and take action. After all, even when we are grateful, we still want more.  This constant movement from gratitude and desire, and inspiration and action allows us to move forward, and at the same time stay present. The balance between the two is vital to growth.  Refusing to make plans and think of the future might create stagnation, whereas too much desire and focus on the future might create hopelessness and powerlessness. We have very little control over future events. Having a practice where we are constantly experiencing both gratitude and desire is ideal.

One practice that I have enjoyed in manifesting a new car: I show gratitude for my current car by taking care of it, cleaning it, and when I’m driving, I thank my car for getting me safely from one place to another.  When I see others that have the car I want, I say “Thank you for surrounding me with what I want and creating a world where others can have these marvelous things.” In this case, I am feeling strong gratitude, and strong desire. I feel the magnetic pull.

What practices do you do to feel that deep seeded sense of gratitude and manifest your dreams?

Is to give also to receive? My answer to this is “Hell No!” It’s not to say that I am a selfish bitch and I don’t like to give. Quite the opposite. As the oldest of 4 growing up with hippy parents, the story of my life was giving. As a headstrong and independent modern woman, the training was always on giving. As an individual who likes to recycle, donate, and volunteer…well, you get the picture.

When I started exploring Law of Attraction and energy work, I started wondering about receiving. And when my businesses failed and I was up to my eyeballs in debt, I became curious about the back and forth flow of energy (and money).

So what does it mean to receive? When I talk about receiving I am thinking of a series of actions and also a general mindset. And I’ve only learned this recently so please be patient. Receiving means knowing what you need from others and being able to ask of them for something. It means being ok with them saying “no” or “not right now.” It means feeling like you are good enough and deserve to receive abundance, that you can’t do everything independently and that you know your limits. Then, after you have received, you learn to smile, say thank you, and feel happy that you are provided for. Ultimately, receiving means giving up control or a need to do things your way. You have to allow the gifts from others to arrive, and if you’re thinking that you are the only one with anything to offer, you’ve missed the point entirely.

So after I explored these actions and mindset, I realized that they truly are connected. And you can’t become successful or abundant if you only give or only receive. When you receive, you feel as though you are gifting someone with the opportunity to care for you. And when you give, you receive OPENly the love and gratitude that the individual shares. The secret to the balance of the two is to be open to both. Self-awareness, boundaries, limits, collaboration, communication and taking the time to enjoy this flow is vital! And after you’ve practiced that openness, the flow becomes seamless, effortless and goes on forever.

I grew up in the Midwest where work is king. Your job, the tasks you do daily and where you went to school define you. The goal is to enjoy your one full time job, that usually consumes 10+ hours a week and use what little time you have left to do activities that relax you or actually make you happy. I didn’t think there was any other format. But then I moved to southern California.

Many of the women my age who I crossed paths with applied this same format of all work and very little play when I got here. But with the warm weather year round, the distance from my passive aggressive family, the mobile mentality, and less pressure to fit into a professional box (who wants to wear a suit and tie in the hot sun?), something shifted. I dabbled with being a business owner, a therapist for Department of Mental Health, a preschool teacher, an infant massage instructor, a babysitter and now potentially a teacher for an after school program among other things.

This idea of finally “making it” or “growing up” when you have one full time job now feels unnatural to me. My days are abundantly full with many activities that I equally take very seriously and could easily laugh off if need be. I am not attached to my work or my play in the way I was before.

When I found inner peace and practiced mindfulness, I realized that every job has a touch of magic and mundane. There are destinations and there are journeys and you never truly arrive. With that knowledge came the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted to. For the most part anyway. Does that mean that I stopped paying my bills and taking care of my responsibilities? The opposite happened.

With my many different jobs, I have the money to be an adult. I also have the time to be a kid as much as I want. More importantly, I get to do all of the things I love, and I do other things too.  So what about those responsibilities that I can never really become excited about? What I’ve found: If you don’t enjoy it, do it less, but do it more often. Does that make sense? Put another way, less duration, more frequency. For example, I dislike doing the dishes. So I do them everyday for 10 minutes instead of every other day for 1 hour. Fall into what you love and fall into what you don’t love too!

“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

~Winston Churchill

Whether your version of success is being aligned with your dreams or just plain making a lot of money, I believe this quote to be true.  Well, almost. I think you can lose your enthusiasm but you have to eventually get it back. To sound even more cliche-ish…Don’t give up (even after you’ve failed)! Regardless of how many times you get kicked down, feel free to stay down, but eventually get back up again. And do it all over again. Eventually you will get very good at it and the getting back up again part won’t be so hard.

So maybe some of you grew up being told by your parents “It’s ok, keep going anyway.” Or “let’s celebrate your mistakes…you’re on the path to success!” Or “You tried and failed 100 times…get back up and try one more time. You’re strong enough! You can do it!” Anyone? *crickets chirping*

Ok, then. Now that we’re on the same page, failure always equaled fear in my household. There was of course the fear around trying something new, saying something new, or experimenting. Then the failure happened. Then the punishment for failing. If I made a mistake, I got spanked, humiliated, criticized, judged, yelled out, or laughed at depending on the day. And I wouldn’t have called my childhood abusive.

I recently saw a brief interview with the owner of Spanks. She talked about how mistakes were celebrated in her household growing up.  She and her family would sit around the dinner table and talk about their failures of the day, and there would be a celebratory atmosphere around these mishaps. An environment was created where failure was not only acceptable but celebrated!

But if you grew up like me, you know that it’s time to think differently about failure. Failure and fear of punishment can not continue to be the way of thinking. Because your failures during childhood created fear instead of determination, you have to CHANGE YOUR MINDSET and PARENT YOURSELF differently.  Create a safe space in your home where you can relax, cry, and heal yourself from the pain and fear of failure. Create healthy routines and rituals that are fun, predictable and relaxing. Surround yourself with positive and successful people, who know exactly how it feels to fail 100 times and succeed once. Here are some suggestions for ways to better handle failure:

-Play a musical instrument or sing weekly. Listen to your favorite music as much as humanly possible each day!

-Do multiple small relaxation activities daily (breathing exercises)

-Learn to cook simple, healthy meals and prepare raw foods that you love weekly

-Watch funny movies, listen to funny podcasts or go see standup comedians. Laugh as much as humanly possible each day!

-Learn to laugh at yourself!!

And after you’ve implemented routines in your life that help you handle failure, you’ll find that failure doesn’t really have that sharp of an edge. It might even, dare I say, challenge you just enough to FUEL YOUR FIRE FOR MORE!

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“I can do that standing on one leg with with my hand behind my back!!” Sounds easy, right? Maybe as a child, but as an adult, standing on one leg is a tremendous task. Why is that? Is it because we lose are center of gravity, become significantly less athletic, or maybe it’s because our monkey minds are running a mile a minute.

As I prepare my body to get into tree pose (standing on one leg) I probably have 20 different thoughts running through my head at once.

“What am I going to eat for lunch? What do I need from the grocery store? I miss Fresh & Easy! What is that smell? My ankle hurts! I probably look pretty stupid right now. I forgot to put sunblock on. What are those birds doing?”

“Focus on an object that is still,” the yoga instructor instructs.

As soon as I am focused, I am able to balance.  I become completely absorbed on a unique colored rock 5 feet away. I look at its lines, color, shape, size, and texture. I let the thoughts and stories of that object fall away and I come back to that object in my line of sight. I feel my body balancing and I am happy. I let those thoughts go and continue to focus.

What are you completely focused on that is creating balance in your life? Are you focused on the negative things that make you feel crappy? Is that creating balance in your life, or are you becoming caught up in the negativity. It is helpful to focus on the things you’d like to improve. But don’t let the story or the attachment to that negativity consume you. Look at that negativity and focus on the way it feels, tastes, smells, sounds, the impact it has on your body and the impact on your ability to move through this world with peace and ease.

If you focus, you will find balance. I focused on time as being the most important resource in my life. With that focus, I was better able to manage my time. And each day, I learn something new about managing time that allows me to be better.

With focus, you will have the clarity to design your life in just a way that is perfectly balanced for you. So, how do you want to do it? Do you want to focus on what you don’t want or what you DO want? Both roads lead to the same place, but focusing on what you DO want will get you there faster.

Thank you, yogis, for thousands of years of practice and wisdom! Namaste!

How can we break through the barriers that hold us back? How do we discover what those barriers are and break through to the unknown? How can we be that person totally different than what our parents and society have trained us to be?

The answers to these question are both simple and complex. Simple because all we have to do is take more risks without question AND be ok with the results we get REGARDLESS. And complex because taking risks is scary as hell and being ok with failure is scarier. The optimal way is to move forward without hesitation towards that which scares you. Open yourself up to this fear, know it is there and keep going. When you get rejected, questioned, criticized, ostracized and kicked down, get up as quickly as possible and do what you need to heal. Keep going!! Create a space in your life where you can do this over and over again. This will be your container for rapid growth.

If your desire is to lose weight but you are scared of looking stupid, take a dance class or visit a trampoline park. If you want to make more money, try spending money by investing in yourself…go back to school, get a certificate in your passion career, or surround yourself with people that are positive. If you want a healthy and supportive relationship, go out on a date with your best friend who has just confessed their love. Listen to your fear and move towards it!